Bards, Broken Lanterns, and More

The Broken Lanterns were out last night–no pun intended–and the undead quaked with fear in their graves. For the past few weeks my Dungeons and Dragons group has had to battle undead, goblins, and an evil bard. And out of all these foes, it was the bard that almost did us in.

I never realized how powerful a bard could be. The NPC, played by somebody with much more musical talent than me, used songs and countersongs to insnare the group. By using Fascinate and Suggestion he was able to ween all the information he needed. Oh, and, of course, he worked for Shar. So, he ended up leading the group to a lair of Shar followers.  Yet, none of the characters could ever prove he was up to no good until it was too late. His pull on them was near impossible to break.

That’s when Chris, the DM, thought it’d be a good idea to bring in a new character to counter said bard. Well, since my character had met with a half-ogre’s giant battleaxe a couple weeks before and didn’t survive, I was the obvious one to play the new character. And, at first, I wasn’t too sure about playing a bard, but I began warming up to the idea when I realized all the cool things they could do. Ironically, the charasmatic character type fits me better than say the tank like I had originally planned on playing.

So. I began by working off the campaign’s storyline. That way I could tailor my skills and attributes more toward the rest of the group.  Bard’s are not just musicians either. No. They are also poets, storytellers, jugglers, actors or whatever strikes their fancy.  Since I have limited talents in playing musical instruments, I went with being a storyteller and poet. Though, I kind of do the B.B. King sort of thing–play a few chords, tell some of the story, play a few more, tell more story. And it works, too.

Also, Bards gain arcane spells. And though they’re not as powerful as a sorcerers they’re still quite useful. I went with more mischievous type spells because my guy is a moon elf, which means he’s happy-go-lucky and likes to have fun.

Niandalis, my bard, has a wealth of knowledge as well–bardic knowledge that is–at his fingers. He knows things that others in the group have no clue what they are. This is the area that my guy excels in, naturally: ancient lore. The feats I have chosen along with the skills, give him a huge Bardic Knowledge bonus, which came in handy several times last night.

However, sadly, Niandalis didn’t get to take on the evil bard. Of course, the resident teafling took the guy out. So, as you can imagine, after having their heads messed with for a couple of weeks by a bard, they weren’t too excited to hear of another bard who had just showed up ;) But, I proved my worth almost immediately. And, since our DM runs a story-driven campaign, my new character fit right in.

Well, that’s all from the Broken Lanterns for this week. The next couple of weeks there’ll be no game, so there won’t be much to report for a little while.

Pirates and Dancing Bar Maids…?

Last night I needed a laugh and got more than just one.

Jack of All Trades, a corny and campy TV show starring Bruce Campbell, was just what I needed. I bought it on DVD last week along with Brisco County Jr. And I’m glad I did. There’s more laughs here than you can shake a stick at.

There are only twenty-two episodes–sadly, the show was cancelled after its first season due to low viewership (primarily because it was in syndication)–and, luckily, the DVD set has them all, with excellent picture and sound quality. The only downside is that there are no special features or bonus materials to speak of, which I can live with, I suppose, but it would have been nice to see some behind-the-scenes footage, or something.

Just like the show’s theme song says–”It was eighteen-hundred-one, and the revolution had been won”–Jack of All Trades is set back in the early eighteen hundreds, just after America had gained its independence. The main character, Jack Stiles (Bruce Campbell), is a spy for President Thomas Jefferson whose sent on a long-term mission to the tiny Pacific island of Polau Polau to stop the advances of Napoleon. Once there he is to work alongside his British contact, who just so happens to be a woman, Emilia Rothschild (Angela Marie Dotchin), with a knack for inventing all sorts of gadgetry.

Part action, part spoof, the show involves plenty of swashbuckling fights and clever, witty humor combined with historical figure appearances and pop-culture references. Always tongue and cheek, each episode starts off with a problem that Jack’s got to solve, using his broad range of skills. In a lot of ways, the show reminds me a lot of Hogan’s Heroes–idiots in charge of the place, who must be kept in power to maintain the integrity of the mission. Govenor Croque is like Col. Klink and Captain Brogard is like Sgt. Schultz; however, this is to different degrees. Anyway.

Most of Jack’s plans get fouled by unexpected circumstances, which always gets him into a jam. But, with his quick thinking and reflexes he generally escapes to fight another day. In the sixth episode, Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte (played by mini-me, Verne Troyer) makes his first appearance. Rolled down the ramp of his ship in a red carpet, the little guy starts bringing the laughs almost immediately. Yet, episode 13 is the best in my opinion. The crown jewels of England have been stolen. And the suspected thief is the mysterious Marquis de Sade, who owns a resort on a nearby island. Emilia and Jack are sent to the resort to retrieve the jewels.

As they arrive on the beach they are greeted by the Marquis and his entourage. Dressed in pink and purple leather, he’s a rather strange looking fellow until you learn that this is the Island of Agony–a place where domination is the theme. They’re told that while on the island one of them has to be a pet, and the other a master. Of course, Emilia pulls rank and decides that Jack gets to be the pet. There are plenty of “leather-clad, whip-wielding hussies” to keep any sane man watching, too. The best part of the episode, though, is the race at the end where Jack has to ride a bicycle with no seat, and Emilia gets her little booty literally whipped. My eyes were watering I was laughing so hard. Just the sight of that bicycle had me going.

Oh, and another part that made me laugh until my sides hurt was when Emilia and Jack were shown to their room. A man rolls in something on wheels and she says, “I ordered an extra bed for you Jack.” The guy unfolds it and it becomes a bed full of spikes I don’t know why that got me, but it did. Anyway.

If you like Hogan’s Heroes or the Evil Dead films you’ll probably appreciate Jack of All Trades for what it is: a fun, campy, action-comedy with plenty of pirates, dancing bar maids, and eccentric leaders.

County and Bowler

Part Sci-Fi but mostly Western…

…Brisco County Jr. was a rather unique show for its time, for any time really, that was unfortunately ended before it really began to take off. At least, that’s what I like to think. And I know I’m not the only one who believes so.

Thankfully, Warner Bros. decided to finally release the series on DVD. And, after having watched the first couple of episodes again, for the first time in about fifteen years, I have to say that what I remember and love about the show is still there: the ridiculous situations, the often campy humor, and the movie-like feel.

Bruce Campbell, of course, made Brisco what it was. However, Julius Carry, who played Lord Bowler, often added his own mark on the show. It’s his character’s and Bruce’s character’s rivalry and friendship that come together to form…interesting situations that lead to even more interesting resolutions. In the Pilot, for example, Brisco outwits Bowler at a deadly game of chicken, which truly begins the entire rivalry. Brisco is trying to order some grub at the local cafe when Bowler drops by and places a package of dynamite on the table and lights it, demanding to know who’s Brisco’s bounty. Brisco just sits there, trying to make up his mind on what to order; meanwhile the fuse is getting lower and lower–Bowler sits there trying not to sweat and Socrates, the liason to the Westerfield Club (Brisco’s employer), trys not to panic. Eventually, Bowler puts out the fuse and tries to punch Brisco instead, but misses. The law arrives and arrests everybody; and yet Brisco never gave Bowler the information he wanted on the bounty. However, in the end, Brisco and Bowler join forces to take on the evil John Bly and his gang. That reminds me.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more weird, yet unique character as Lord Bowler. An African-American cowboy/bounty-hunter who wears a pair of Union army pants, a bowler hat, and carries a sawed-off shotgun on his back, Lord Bowler is indeed one strange dude. However, somehow, he’s still believable–just like many of the futuristic gadgets revealed on the show.

Brisco was always looking for “the coming thing”. On his travels he sometimes come across inventors who’ve created some rather insane-looking contraptions. One such inventor named Professor Wickwire, played by the great John Astin, has a pension for creating futuristic items that Brisco would refer to as “the coming thing”. Wickwire’s rocket, for example, looks like a short-range cruise missile. In one episode, Brisco uses it to snuff out the Swill Brothers’ plans. He uses it to destroy the tank that one of the Swill Brother’s has stolen from the United States military. Tell me that’s not fun.

Anyway. It’s sad that The Adventures of Brsico County Jr. didn’t last longer than it did. On the DVD set, the special features disc contains commentary by the show’s main producer Carlton Cuse, who, of course, went onto produce LOST. There are also several behind-the-scenes featurettes. One of my favorite features is titled “The Book of Bruce”. In it, Bruce Campbell reads from a book he wrote about being a b-rated movie star. It’s a rather interesting, and insightful reading too.

Good TV on DVD

Well, looks like there’s some good TV shows coming out on DVD this week. Bruce Campbell fans will be happy to know that both Brisco County Jr. and Jack of All Trades have finally made it to disc. And that was just after Bruce supposedly had said during a recent interview that it would never happen. Ha! It was all just a publicity ploy. Anyway. The Ogre has got his copies on order right now, of course.

It’s amazing to me that there were actually 27 episodes made during the first (and only) season of Brisco County. Yet, the show was cancelled because Fox thought its ratings were low. Ironically, they did the same several years later with Firefly, only to discover the fanbase was much, much larger than they had assumed. But, that’s how it goes: executives sitting in glass towers have no clue (they’re completely out of touch with fans).

Then again, Bruce Campbell’s work always ends up getting cut short for some reason, even though it’s some of the best comedy out there. From Army of Darkness to Jack of All Trades, if you’ve seen it, you know the guy’s hilarious.
Also, the original Incredible Hulk will be out this Tuesday along with Ren and Stimpy’s Lost Episodes. So, it looks like a good week for us geeks out there. The Ogre is excited, how about you?

Psych or Psycho?

Don’t eat the chicken…

…just might become the catch phrase for the new USA Network television series Psych. James Roday plays Shawn Spencer, an average guy with a knack for extraordinary observations, who has gone through more jobs in his life than most people have underwear. His father a cop, Shawn was schooled at a young age to see what others generally disregard as trivial–the number of hats in a room, for example. Yet, though his father tried to make him a detective, he had other ideas.

Taking his friend Gus (played by Dule Hill) along for the ride, Shawn has always lead a rather oblivious, yet adventurous life. So much so that Gus, now on the straight and narrow as a pharmaceutical sales rep, wants nothing to do with his friend’s forays.  Then, one night while watching the news, making out with a hot young waitress he just met at some corner cafe, Shawn solves a crime just by watching the TV.

And this is where it gets interesting…and fun. The police are able to solve the crime (a murder) with the help of Shawn’s tip.  However, when they ask him to come down to the station to collect on his reward, they take him into custody instead–thinking him to be the suspect’s partner. Because, as they see it, the evidence he had given could only have come from the inside. Yet, it was simply through careful observations that lead him to solve the case.

Though, the cops, being stubborn, refuse to believe Shawn’s answers. So, he comes up, on the fly, that he is psychic, which, of course, he’s really not. He impresses the Interim Police Chief and convinces her to hire him on as a “psychic consultant”. So it begins…

Psych mixes a bit of humor with a lot of character-depth. The acting is good and believable and filled with passion. And, the pilot episode last night showed that there might be more than promise here. I know I thoroughly enjoyed the show, and was wanting more by its end. Finally! I was getting tired of those cookie cutter detective shows. So.

If you like Monk, you’ll love Psych.

Athens, Knossos, and Beyond

Titan Quest continues to occupy the Webmonster’s time….

 

Thus far I have made it past Athens to Knossos. I’ve been fighting off flocks of harpies and crows, facing powerful witches and wizards, and dealing with several pouncing cat people.  Yet, for some reason, none of it ever gets tiring, except when I die and I’m regenerated.  I’ve learned several useful tactics, though, which, thankfully, have put a substantial damper on the number of times I get wasted.

Mainly, I’ve learned that running away isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s better to hit targets with a ranged attack, especially if you’re character is a mage of some sort.  I like using my fire staff, because when fire hits, just like poison, it causes a lingering damage effect.  Also, if you’re character has a companion of some sort, such as a wolf or liche king, let them do the work for you.  For example, I follow Spirit, so I have a liche king as a companion–I mean I can summon one. He’s so powerful that the lightning from his staff can destroy weaker enemies with a single shot. So most of the baddies don’t even get to touch me

Also, just because you’re in the middle of a battle, doesn’t mean you can’t slam back a health potion or two.  Most of the money I gain goes into buying more potions.  Ironically, energy potions I tend to find just about everywhere, so I don’t have to worry about those as much.  But, I’ve stayed alive plenty of times in the midst of a battle by using health potions.  Oh, yeah, another thing to use are the hotkeys.  I’ve got all my important skills on the quick bar, so I can just hit the corresponding hotkey and, voila, I’ve got instant access.

 

I think I’m nearly through with the Greek campaign, though I might be wrong.  I can’t wait to see ancient Egypt and China.  The graphics have often impressed me in Titan Quest.  And I decided, heh, why not share some images with you. I’ve just opened my gallery, and the only thing in it thus far are TQ screenshots :)  So, enjoy.

To Ye Watery Grave You Lubbers!

Finally! Good ol’ fashion swashbuckling action hits the theaters…again.

If there’s only one thing producer Jerry Bruckheimer can do right, it’s “pirate” films. I mean, let’s face it, most of his films are lackluster affairs. However, with Pirates of the Caribbean he somehow got things right. And now, with the success of the first film, Curse of the Black Pearl, comes its follow-up sucessor, Dead Man’s Chest. Arrgh!

Dead Man’s Chest, as Orlando Bloom explained it this morning on Regis and Kelly, delves more into the mysterious origins of young Will Turner, whose father was the legendary pirate Bootstrap Bill.  Somehow, Bootstrap ended up enslaved on the bottom of the ocean, his master the terrible Davy Jones–the captain of the ghostly Flying Dutchman whose “still-beating broken heart locked away in a chest, and a terrible sea beast at his command” defies the grave.

This is where Captain Jack Sparrow comes in.  Jack owes a blood debt to the ill-fated Jones.  Captain Jones expects Jack to give into his original promise: hand himself over to a life of eternal servitude on the bottom of the sea.  But, as always, Captain Jack doesn’t give into such demands easily. So, instead of going peacefully, he intends to fight off the hoards of Davy Jone’s minions, and possibly survive the affair by the help of his friends–mainly Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.

Oi! What is Miss Swann doing behind bars? Well, she was arrested for aiding the pirates.  Now, the wedding between her and will is off and she stands to be executed.  Aye! What a twist ye lubbers. So, Will must decide to rescue his fiance or help Jack escape certain doom. All this while Davy Jones plans on his reemergence from his watery grave.

My mouth is already salivating. I can’t wait. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, in my opinion, should far outmatch even the original.  Like I said: if there’s only one thing producer Jerry Bruckheimer can do right, it’s “pirate” films.

Featured Links Update

The new “Featured” section on the links bar has really brought some life to the site, I think. So, knowing how good it seems to work, I’ve decided to put a link to all of my short stories, which I just posted.  This way people can actually see that they exist and are not figments of my imagination ;)  Anyway.

Wordpress has impressed me thus far, more than I thought it would.  It can recognize characters and formatting straight from MS Word or another webpage.  That’s what made it only a matter of mere minutes before I had all of my short stories up from the old Lair.  Three cheers for Wordpress!

Speaking of the old Lair, I’ll be turning it into a redirection page very shortly.  So, soon, when you go to there, you’ll come directly here.  Though, again, like I said, the forums will remain open–that is until I move them to this server.